Chapter 2 - "Building Solid Relationships with Teachers"

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Chapter 2 Introduction

For both students and parents, forming good relationships with teachers is another important piece of the middle school pie. This process can prove challenging for parents. For one thing, you’ll find that middle school teachers try to raise the level of student accountability by first confronting students directly with questions or concerns about achievement before bringing issues to a parent. This can be disconcerting at first; after all, during your child’s elementary school years you’ve grown accustomed to being the first to receive word about your child’s progress or lack thereof. But by approaching the student first, teachers compel the student to play a more active part in his school experience. Of course, this presents a new challenge to your child as well.

Focus questions:  How often did you communicate with your child’s elementary school teachers? How often do you anticipate communicating with your child’s middle school teachers? Is your child comfortable talking with teachers and other adults? What are your greatest concerns about the shift to multiple classes and teachers?

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Chapter 2 Focus Topics:

Talking with Teachers
After your child goes through the class syllabus, he may still have lingering questions, best addressed by asking the teacher directly. Even if your child doesn’t need to speak with his teachers right off the bat, chances are he will at some point during the year—and that means a one-on-one conversation.
Read more about this topic on pages 41-44.

Focus questions:  How can you prepare your child for a productive conversation with her teachers? What issues are best left for teachers and students to work through without interference from parents? Where can you find contact information for your child’s teachers?

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Building a relationship with middle school teachers
It can be hard for you to start standing on the sidelines as your child begins to assume responsibility for talking with teachers. Throughout elementary school, it’s usually the parents and teachers who communicate about a child’s academic progress. Teacher conferences typically include only parents. In those years, you may also have welcomed the occasional impromptu conversation with a teacher when you dropped your child off at school or when you volunteered as a classroom helper. But when your child starts middle school, although you are still a valued partner in the education process, this changes; your role shifts from primary advocate for your child to more of a supporting role, as your child starts becoming his own advocate.
Read more about this topic on pages 44-47.

Focus questions:  How does your parenting role shift when your child moves to middle school? What role should you assume when your child has something to discuss with her teachers? What is the difference between supporting your child and advocating for your child?

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When to get involved
Through short, ongoing conversations with their teachers, most kids will weather most issues that arise during the school year. However, some conflicts require additional attention and support from both teachers and parents. Relentless taunting from a school bully is one extreme example that warrants a conversation among teacher, child, and parent outside of school hours. Failing grades or a series of missed assignments (a precursor to failing grades) would also necessitate a more formal discussion involving everyone. It can be hard to define the line between what should and shouldn’t prompt a parent-teacher-student conference. Use the following list of situations and suggested actions as a quick guide for differentiating between issues that warrant parent intervention and those better left to a child and teacher to sort out.
Read more about this topic on pages 47-50.

Focus questions:  What issues would warrant a conversation between you and your child’s teachers? How would you contact a teacher to discuss your concerns? Would you include your child in the conversation? Is there anything your child’s teachers should know before the school year begins that might help them to teach your child more effectively?

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Avoiding progress report shock
About four weeks after school starts, your child’s first progress report will arrive in the mail. Of course, you hope the report will be cause for celebration. Inevitably, though, some students (and parents) suffer from progress report shock when they see their grades, because they hadn’t paid attention to exactly how well (or poorly) they were doing. To avoid this anxiety, try a slight shift in thinking: instead of dreading the report, consider looking forward to it as an opportunity to affirm achievement and take action on any challenges it may present. One way to begin this shift is to encourage your child to be proactive about monitoring her progress by asking the teacher for an informal progress report every two to three weeks. The following two-minute check-in strategy is a short, structured approach that your child can use for initiating a conversation with any middle school teacher.
Read more about this topic on pages 50-53.

Focus questions:  When does your child’s school send out progress reports? When will you talk with your child about your academic expectations for the school year? What consequences do you have in place when your child either meets the expectations or fails to meet the expectations? How do you monitor your child’s ongoing academic progress?

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Chapter 2 Action Steps

Anticipate. Look for contact information (email addresses, phone numbers and classroom numbers) for each of your child’s teachers. Create a team roster with the information you find and keep it in a visible location in your home. Plot a few dates on the calendar when you will have an opportunity to meet and speak to your child’s teachers. Back to school night and open house can be crowded events so look for a few dates where the possibility for an informal encounter may exist.

Participate. Download and complete the team roster. Connect with each of your child’s teachers, either by email or voice mail, prior to the start of each academic quarter. Role play a few conversations with your child where you assume the role of teacher and your child attempts to share a concern or question. Practicing these scenarios instills confidence in your child’s ability to communicate with his teachers on an ongoing basis.

Celebrate. Don’t wait for the progress report to arrive before celebrating your child’s achievements. Catch him studying for a test or completing outstanding work on a project. Recognizing the small moments leads to motivation for continued achievement in the long term. When the progress report does arrive, you can talk about how effort and determination led to your child’s achievements.

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Click and Connect
What’s on your mind? Are you concerned about any of the focus topics discussed this week? Send Joe an email with your questions or concerns about this week’s focus topics. Or peek in on the online community of parents to see what people are talking about. Building productive parent-teacher relationships will continue to play a critical role in your child’s ability to succeed. The rules change with respect to when, where and how often you talk with teachers, but the effect is the same—solid relationships equal solid achievement.

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