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Focus questions: What types of web sites do you consider to be inappropriate for your child to view? Have you created a family plan for safe internet use? How often should you revisit your family plan to make adjustments?
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Continued communication keeps kids and parents connected. Establishing a climate of trust helps to ensure an open line of communication on internet-related issues. Occasionally, though, kids stop talking or become secretive about their time online. If you suspect behavior that violates your family’s acceptable use plan, ask for some one-on-one time when your child can guide you through a tour of his recent internet adventures. If your request is met with an eye roll or similar gesture of reluctance, you may need to conduct an informal search on your own time. Fortunately, your computer remembers where you go and who you see.
Read more about this topic on pages 112-113.
Focus questions: Can you locate the list of web sites (history) your child has visited online? When was the last time you sat with your child as he worked on the computer? What web sites does your child visit most often?
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“OMG PAW G2G” (“Oh my god, parents are watching, got to go”). Sitting next to your middle schooler as she happily clicks away on instant messages (IM) won’t reveal much about her online conversations unless you learn the lingo for these often indecipherable exchanges. Unfortunately, most kids are not interested in educating their parents in the finer points of this modern-day pig Latin. Consider the following list of commonly used acronyms as a primer for learning to understand teen tech speak. You’ll find a complete dictionary of online acronyms at www.teenchatdecoder.com. Tackle a few new terms each week and you will be well on your way to IMing with the best of them. Try a few of your newfound favorites in a text message to your child, and wait for her startled reply.
Read more about this topic on pages 113-116.
Focus questions: Does your child IM (instant message) while using the computer? What acronyms does your child use while IMing? Does your child’s computer have a video camera?
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Joining the social networking giants Facebook and MySpace now seems like little more than the next step along a predetermined path for many kids entering middle school. Although MySpace and Facebook offer many of the same features, there are distinct differences between the two services. MySpace launched its service in 2003 with a focus on sharing music by fledgling musicians who were hoping to break into the mainstream music recording industry. Little did the founders know that the company’s modest mission statement would blossom into the world’s largest social networking service, now connecting nearly 120 million users worldwide, with 73 million unique user accounts in the United States alone.
Read more about this topic on pages 116-120.
Focus questions: Does your child have MySpace or Facebook profile? What other social networks are kids currently using to communicate? What are your greatest concerns with kids using social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook? What is minimum age for joining a social network online?
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Privacy concerns become paramount at this stage of the account setup. With the opportunity to upload a photo, kids often choose a favorite personal shot featuring friends. You also have the option of uploading a symbol instead of a personal photo or bypassing the photo option completely—in which case MySpace places the default “NO PHOTO” icon where your photo would normally appear. Clicking the “Skip this step” link will bring you to a new page where you can add friends. If you want to remain as anonymous as possible, then leave the default silhouette in place rather than adding a photo of your own. As a general rule, if you want to appear on your child’s friend list, refrain from adding a picture or any other personal information that would draw attention to the fact you are a parent.
Read more about this topic on pages 121-124.
Focus questions: How are social networks working to protect personal privacy? What sections of a personal profile are better left blank? Is it possible to view a child’s online profile if you are not on the designated list of friends?
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Gaining access to your child’s network of friends online can be nearly as challenging as it is to do offline. Parental status doesn’t translate into friend status in the online world. Appealing to the website administrators won’t bring you any closer to seeing what’s behind the login screen, either. Privacy restrictions prevent account information from being shared between users. Your only recourse, when trying to gain access to your child’s private group of friends, is to ask your child’s permission. Strangely, the dynamic of trust and permission in your parent-child relationship takes a 180-degree shift when it comes to social networking.
Read more about this topic on pages 124-127.
Focus questions: How have online social networks changed the relationship between parents and kids? Would you consider creating an social network account if your child added you to her list of friends? What expectations do parents need to maintain after joining their child’s online social network?
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Anticipate. Today’s generation of parents meets a challenge greater than in the past. Technology, in particular, the growth of the internet has created an incredible gap in knowledge between kids and parents. Look for opportunities to learn more about your child’s computer and internet use whenever possible. Rethink the location of your family’s computer(s) and how often kids have access during the afterschool hours.
Participate. Create a family plan for safe internet use. Download the Family Acceptable Use Plan template to use as a guide. Solicit participation for everyone who will be using computers in your home. Building a set of expectations that everyone agrees to paves the way for continued conversations about safe internet use. Experiment with online social networks and the potential for becoming part of your child’s virtual social circle.
Celebrate. With a family plan in place take time to celebrate either personally or as a family that you have made a commitment to safe internet use. Sharing favorite web sites or talking about online media can be a wonderful way to start a conversation with your family. Look for opportunities to acknowledge your child’s growing understanding of technology.
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What’s on your mind? Are you concerned about any of the focus topics discussed this week? Send Joe an email with your questions or concerns about this week’s focus topics. Or peek in on the online community of parents to see what people are talking about. With the growing number of kids using online social networks parents need to become more aware of both the positive and negative consequences associated with this form of online communication. Talking with other parents and attending informational seminars can be wonderful ways to learn more about keeping kids safe online.
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Mac users: control click on the "MP3" link above and choose
"Download Linked File" or "Save Link as"
Windows users: right click on the "MP3" link above and choose
"Save target as" or "Save Link as"
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"Erik added me as a friend when he started his Facebook account as a freshman in high school. I never abused the privilege by asking too many questions or prying into his social time. He always knew I was there, though, which made him more aware of what friends were posting on his page. It’s been a win win for me especially now that he is in college. I don’t see him every day like I used to, but I still feel like I know what he is doing and what’s important in his life.”
~ Lori, college mom, Santa Barbara, CA |
“Facebook gives us the chance to create a history of what we do together. It’s like a scrapbook of our teenage years.”
~ Mark, high school student, Thousand Oaks, CA |
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Coaching Tip: Neglect adjusting the privacy settings on your MySpace account, and you’ll give complete access to anyone who wants to view your personal information. You can block unwanted visitors by changing the privacy setting from the default to “my friends only.”