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Does your child’s current schedule inspire enthusiasm and excitement or does the weekly calendar leave her feeling exhausted and short-tempered by week’s end? Kids depend on parents to accurately gauge their ability to meet the academic demands of middle school while leaving them time to pursue new and interesting extracurricular interests. Kids don’t like struggling through week after week trying to fulfill an endless slate of responsibilities. The burden on parents can also become tiring after a few weeks of shuttling their kids back and forth to after-school commitments while battling with nightly homework assignments. But choosing to opt out of all activities in favor of sitting in front of the TV every night has equally negative consequences. Opt instead for a “win-win” plan whereby both you and your child feel excited, but not overwhelmed, about the year ahead.
Read more about this topic on pages 87-90.
Focus questions: Have you talked with your child about choosing extracurricular activities? How will you prioritize school assignments and extracurricular activities? How do you track activities that occur outside of the school day? Is your child responsible for remembering the afterschool schedule or this your responsibility?
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Activities vary from school to school, but most middle schools will offer a healthy menu of both athletic and nonathletic options for kids. Here are a few of the more common activities as well as a short description of each. Give the following list to your child to peruse.
Read more about this topic on pages 90-94.
Focus questions: Does your child’s middle school publish a list of extracurricular activities? Does the time commitment vary by activity? Are there any activities that you feel your child might enjoy? How many activities will your child participate in this year?
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Handling the regular routine of classes and assignments can quickly deplete a child of the energy needed to participate in any additional on-campus activities. Yet your child may find that venturing out into the community in search of volunteer opportunities provides a good break from the rigor of a challenging academic day. Volunteering often spawns mentoring relationships that benefit kids who respond to personal attention from caring adults. Talking with the elderly, serving food at the homeless shelter, or bagging groceries at the local farmers’ market are a few of the many community service activities available to middle school students. Volunteering time at most community organizations or events qualifies as community service —a requirement at many middle schools and high schools. Interning at a local business is another way to lend a helping hand while gaining valuable experience in a niche your child may truly enjoy. Members of the National Junior Honor Society spend a healthy number of hours volunteering in the community. So consult the National Junior Honor Society school advisor if your quest for quality volunteering opportunities comes up short. Better yet, point your child in the direction of the school advisor, who may be more inspirational in her pitch for the benefits of volunteering. Building a habit of volunteering can ease the transition into the high school years when kids are typically required to fulfill a minimum commitment of sixty community service hours over the course of a school year.
Read more about this topic on pages 94-95.
Focus questions: Does your child’s middle school require community service hours? Is there a chapter of the National Junior Honor Society at your child’s school? What opportunities exist for community service in your area? What interests does your child have that might connect with a community service activity?
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The time commitment required by most extracurricular activities will claim a significant part of your child’s afternoon hours; club sports, on the other hand, have been known to consume an entire family’s availability. Before leaving the comfort of your child’s recreational sports team for a club sports program, take time to thoroughly investigate the environment and commitment that club sports often require. Parents new to the notion of competitive youth athletics will find answers to commonly asked questions in the sections that follow, and veteran club parents can use these same ideas to reaffirm why their child joined a club sports program.
Read more about this topic on pages 95-99.
Focus questions: Do you know any parents with children in a club or travel team program? What level of commitment should you expect from a club sports commitment? If your child was invited to participate in a club program would you pursue the opportunity? What sacrifices would your child need to make if she was involved in a club program?
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Are you having trouble encouraging your child’s participation in extracurricular activities? Kids may shy away from joining clubs and onsite school activities for a variety of different reasons, ranging from shyness to anxiety over their perceived inability to succeed. Although participation in an activity you choose may not inspire a sudden desire to leave the house, requiring your child to take part in some type of organized activity two to three times a week promotes the healthy development of social skills and access to a new peer group.
Read more about this topic on pages 99-102.
Focus questions: What types of activities does your child dislike? Is there any benefit to your child participating in activities he doesn’t enjoy? If given the choice, what would your child choose to do during the hours outside of the school day?
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To spot a child’s dwindling enthusiasm, you may need a trained eye or the help of a trusted friend who knows your child. The day-to-day routine most families maintain keeps them from seeing the subtle changes that eventually lead to huge shifts in their children’s behavior. It’s easy to overlook your child’s grumpy attitude for a few days or her flippant comment about quitting the team after a tough practice. Many parents attribute these subtle shifts in attitude to the normal emotional changes of a moody middle schooler; when confronted with the reality that their child is burned out, they respond with disbelief and denial.
Read more about this topic on pages 102-104.
Focus questions: What signs would indicate that your child’s enthusiasm is dwindling? Will you require that your child continue with an activity after she loses interest? How have you motivated your child in the past? Will you continue to use these same motivational strategies in the years to come?
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Anticipate. Bringing balance to your child’s life can become a full time endeavor. Sifting through practice schedules and weekend competitions can leave both you and your child drained of the very energy needed to fully engage in these activities. Look forward a few months on the calendar. How many hours is your child committed to activities outside of the nightly homework requirements? Consider taking on a smaller number of commitments in the fall so that your child can experience success at school while still enjoying any extracurricular pursuits.
Participate. Find the list of school-sponsored extracurricular activities. Find time to share a conversation with your child where you both look at the list of activities. Identify 2-3 potential activities that your child would like to explore. Look closely at the time commitment for each activity. Before committing to any activities remember to factor homework time into the weekly schedule of events. Seek a balance between academic aspirations and extracurricular interests. Download the Extracurricular Interest Inventory to use with your child for planning a balanced schedule.
Celebrate. Check in with your child on a weekly basis after the school year starts. Gauge his enthusiasm and energy for maintaining his current load of activity. Plan for and celebrate both academic and extracurricular milestones. The temptation can be to transition from one activity to the next without celebration or recognition. Inspire continued enthusiasm in your child’s life by bringing a formal end to one activity before beginning a new one.
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What’s on your mind? Are you concerned about any of the focus topics discussed this week? Send Joe an email with your questions or concerns about this week’s focus topics. Or peek in on the online community of parents to see what people are talking about. By middle school many kids are engaged in a bevy of activities outside of the school day. Early morning swim practice, followed by a full day of academics and an equally exhausting slate of afterschool activities can leave kids (and parents) exhausted. Connect with other parents who are trying to find the balance between academics and extracurricular activities.
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" There were so many activities to choose from when I started middle school. I made the mistake of signing up for too many things and then missing commitments before finally having to quit a few of them when my grades went down.”
~ Sam, eighth grade student, Palatine, IL |
“ My daughter is the classic overachiever. She wants to be involved in everything. Helping her find a healthy balance where she could feel successful in school as well as in her extracurricular life was a real challenge.”
~ Sarah, middle school mom, Las Vegas, NV |
“ I really struggled with my child’s extracurricular involvement. He didn’t want to do anything except sit in front of the computer after school. It wasn’t until we started looking at activities out in the community that he was willing to trade a few hours of computer time for time outside.”
~ Jenna, seventh grade parent, San Diego, CA |
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Coaching Tip: If your child’s after-school schedule has her moving somewhere different every day, consider plotting events on a desktop calendar. Events laid out on a calendar can be a vivid representation of just how busy your child’s life has become. One family, frazzled from their continued scheduling conflicts, decided to use color-coded sticky notes to denote each family member’s activities. Conflicting events were immediately visible, as was the very graphic image of how busy their family had become.